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This is me, then.

This is me, then.

As I sit here writing what would be my return to blogging after a couple of months of inactivity, hiatus, silence, personal growth, sabbatical or whatever the fuck else you want to call it – it truly is, for me, an apology to you. An apology to MYSELF.

I, for starters owe a lot of you an apology. An apology in which did not come apparent until the insurmountable amount of support, words of encouragement and sit down conversations with friends, peers & individuals I’ve had the privilege of not only meeting, through my nine years of blogging but the distinguished opportunity to working with for almost a fucking decade.

Coincidentally, yes, it does mark my return to blogging, real blogging – sharing what I LOVE, what I think is cool & relevant and not what a marketing or PR agent is telling me what’s cool and throwing money at me. Because that, is the furthest thing from cool.

I am cool (humble brag aside, but I am) and I lost that; blinded by the thought of celebrating others & individuals before ME. I’m sure I’m going to get the whispering and anger of me being self-centred or selfish, but as Rupaul says himself, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gon love somebody else?!” and AMEN to that sister – because everything starts with you. Myself.

For a really long time I didn’t love myself – I literally had to hit rock fucking bottom to realize my worth, self-love and importance. And if you don’t understand that, you yourself, have NOT hit rock bottom.

As I shared on Twitter fairly recently, I wanted to apologize for my actions. I wanted to apologize for not being my best self. To my followers, my friends & family but most importantly, myself.  As unapologetic as I’ve always been, (a lot of you reminded me of that) I can’t believe I lost who I was, how I carried myself and how I let others snuf my light for their benefit.

I want to make this crystal clear, that I, this, is not an attack on them. For whatever trivial comment of “you don’t actually blog, you just post pictures of half naked men” or “Julio is a loose cannon, we can’t work with him” to “he’s very challenging to work with” is not a reflection on me. It’s a reflection on you, because I’m sure of myself. I carry MYSELF with conviction and YOUR insecurities and inability to see your worth is what drives you to make those conclusions.

And bitch, that’s on you – not me. I am creative, I produce great things and my greatness intimidates you. As far as I’m concerned it has, and will always be about The Julio Show, so make sure you’re tuned in.

Photo: Fab Magazine

Julio Reyes

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